CHAPTER XIX

1882

BAREILLY - ENGLAND

'My 52nd year. I do wish to make a perfect consecration of myself to God, but I feel I do not.

How is this? I cannot say that I make much progress. Now, I thank God, that I do not willingly those things that I know to be sin, except it be neglects.

But I am exceedingly fond, of shooting, pig-sticking, hunting, and tennis. I am ready to give up days, weeks, and even months to their enjoyment. Is this well? — I have no doubt of it being lawful — is it expedient?

Could not my time be better employed, by doing my work more thoroughly as to God; by doing many things more to help on God's cause among our men?

If my heart is set upon these things, is there not less of it left for God? Would it not be profitable to give more of my time to reading God's word, and to prayer? I am inclined to answer all this against my present practice. I have always put on the other side that these are good for my health: true — but I can have a day once a week or fortnight for that, and God will take care of me. As much as I have set my heart on having some tiger-shooting, so much will it be a worthy sacrifice.

I have purposed, (and that I fear without asking God's will),

• to go out snipe shooting 22nd to 24th, and 27th to 31st;
• to take a month in the Terai;
• to go out with hounds twice a week;
• to go out pig-sticking as often as possible.

I would now submit all these to God, and would ask His guidance and will, and strength and courage from Him to give up all and any if He tells me to.'

'Bareilly,
'2nd January, '82.

'My dearest wife,

'There! I am to go home this year. . . .

On Friday Father Doogan (a very good man) gave all the women and children, ours and R.A.'s, a tea on Friday and a lot of toys.

On Saturday Mrs. Thomas, American Mission, gave all teetotal juveniles a tea and tree, and many presents and muslin stockings filled with sweets.

The General went to Father Doogan's, and was very pleased. Father D. has a library and theatre, bagatelle and games, papers, etc., refreshments and T.A. Society; calls it the Catholic Library; does a great deal for the men, who like him very much. He reroofed his library a few months back, and made improvements Rs. 1,000. I asked him how he raised it (he asked me for nothing). He said, "I give Rs. 100 a month of my pay (he gets but Rs. 235) to an orphanage, and the Bishop allowed me to take two months of that." Poor man! he half starves himself, so I thought I should help him who does so much for the men, and I gave him Rs. 100.

Mrs. Murray (General's wife) said she would give the children a tea, so they will get rather too much feasting.'

'Bareilly,
'2nd Jan., 1882.

'My dearest wife,

Concussion and tiger shooting
'To-day I have written my report of poor Cave to his mother. He has made some progress mentally, and bodily is very well. He always knows me, but cannot tell my name. When talking to me, he told me I was going home, which we considered a great display of intelligence. He is put on solid food now, and wants to get up and go about. He will probably go home in March.

Well, my turn is coming very near. I must tell you my plans. I was very keen to have a go at the tigers before leaving, and in September bespoke commissariat elephants. However, the time for shooting is April and May, and that would have kept my dear wife waiting too long, and the good folks "would stare." So on Saturday, i4th inst., I gave up my expedition.

By evening post there came a letter from Colonel Money, Resident or Agent with the Maharajah of Durbhanga, with the latter's wish that I should join his shooting-party in the Cosi jungles, said to be the best in India, to assemble at D. on 1st March, and, if possible, bring young Money, his son. Could I refuse such a tempting offer? The jungles are better than here, and the thing will be done well, whereas my own party would be somewhat of a struggle. So I accepted. Can you forgive me?

Young Money came out about four months ago, and his father asked if he could go and see him before joining, and I said certainly, and he got a month's leave. Since coming here his horse fell over and dislocated his arm, so that between leave and dislocations and tiger-shooting he hasn't learnt very much yet. Lords Durham, Ilchester, and Lawrence are to be of the party. It is very good of Colonel M. thinking of me. Well, I suppose the shikar will last a month, and I may be back (D.V.) here by 1st April.'

'We left Bareilly at 11.46 p.m. on Monday, 6th; arrived here at 6.30 p.m. on Wednesday, 8th. Two nights and two days in the train ; very tiring. First day breakfasted at Cawnpore, dined (badly) at Allahabad. There I called on Station-master Parkinson, late (left in '61) colour-sergeant 51st. He suffers from rheumatism, and was on sick-list, as when I last saw him. He has been to Australia lately, where he left his family. By the bye, the papers are discussing the social question 12: What are wives and mothers to do? Stay in India with worse halves or in England with children? Some say one, some the other; but I do not think one says, father give up his work, and retire, which is, if I mistake not, your solution.'

'Bareilly,
'21. 3. '82.

'My dearest wife,

'Back again. C.C. came here 4.12 p.m. on Sunday. We all met him at the station. He and Staff dined with us. I had a very pleasant chat with him; he said he liked Gregson — would be a T.A. only for the doctor, takes one or two whisky-pegs a day.

Next day parade at 5.50 a.m.; marched past; then off to have a fight, which I believe pleased him. At 5 p.m. a levee, to which we all went; I had to introduce all ours. He shook hands with me, and merely bowed to the others and never said a word, which I thought a pity, as he might have shaken hands and said something. Went off at 10 a.m. dak gharrie for Naini Tal, and for this I and Money were dragged back from our dear tigers.

Alas! we were out four days, and saw no tigers. On Sunday some of the party went out and got a tigress, and we had but little general shooting. Last year they killed five tigers in the grass, beaten by us on first two days. We were a week late, and grass was partly burnt, which disturbed the tigers and sent them to unaccustomed places. I believe the disappointment was good for me.

I hope to be off in a week, but have not yet fixed the day or ship. I hope to arrive via Calais, and you can judge what time I'll get to T[unbridge].W[ells].

To-day I gave out our Afghan medals, and made the regiment a complimentary speech. About 600 medals this time. I wanted the C.C. to give them, but he had not time. Same with General Murray.'